Here our therapists share their top tips to help you navigate this new life phase.

1. Acknowledge and name the guilt

Guilt is often a common emotion we feel when preparing for a second child. As accredited psychotherapist and parent-infant specialist Sarah Wheatley observes: “Mums are often really scared of the emotional impact on the first child. They often feel guilty.” But Sarah suggests that by naming the emotion, mothers can ease its hold and respond with intention rather than impulse. “Being able to name it can stop it having quite such a grip and can help you think about it properly - allowing you to respond rather than react,” suggests Sarah.

2. Recognise the overwhelm and its roots

Registered psychotherapist Brieanne Doyle, who specialising in working with women in transitional phases, highlights how the early days with two children bring intense emotional pressure. “The single biggest issue I see clients facing is emotional overwhelm. Add to this the sleep deprivation and the enormous hormonal shifts, it’s no wonder things can feel overwhelming.” In short, managing a newborn and another growing child simultaneously is emotionally exhausting, so it’s important to recognise this and not be too hard on yourself if you are struggling.

3. Prioritise sleep and micro self‑care moments

Both therapists emphasise that sleep deprivation fuels emotional intensity. As Sarah explains: “Sleep deprivation always makes it harder to think more clearly and to regulate emotions.”

However, Brieanne acknowledges that many of the new mums she meets often struggle to sleep, despite being exhausted. Instead, she encourages them to think of a few daily tasks that will help them feel better. “Things such as going for a walk outside, having a shower and drinking your favourite hot drink are all helpful,” shares Brieanne. “For others it's doing one load of laundry or having the kitchen tidy, which helps to feel like you’re a bit more in control. And if being at home full time is becoming too much, arranging with friends or other mums in a similar stage for a playdate can be a great way to entertain the older child while also getting some socialisation yourself!”

4. Reframe your guilt

Brieanne says it’s also helpful to reframe any guilt as feedback. “Guilt is fundamentally the emotion we should experience if we have done something wrong. But sometimes the best thing is to accept the limitations of the current situation.” Brieanne encourages reflection instead of self-blame, and challenges mothers to ask themselves: “Have I actually done something wrong?” – this helps distinguish the real missteps from the normal strain of balancing two children. Sarah agrees and adds that it’s helpful to reframe any feelings of guilt as a “checking emotion” that signals care, not failure.

5. Support your firstborn’s adjustment

Jealousy and rivalry aren’t exceptions - they’re expected during this phase. Brieanne explains that by including older children in simple tasks (such as fetching nappies) and allocating “10 to 15 minutes of daily uninterrupted, undivided attention” will help them feel valued. Sarah adds if you find that you’re feeling overwhelmed by their feelings, the best thing you can do is try to regulate yourself in order to help them feel safe and loved. “Sometimes it can be helpful to use emotional regulation techniques – such as crying, singing, napping, breathing, moving, and laughing, so you can better support them,” shares Sarah.

6. Build your support system and delegate tasks

No mother should face this alone. Brieanne encourages leaning on partners, extended family, and friends for essentials like laundry, dishes, nursery runs, or playdates. Delegation reduces emotional strain and frees space for mental rest.

7. Accept imperfection and lower expectations

Brieanne also advises accepting that some areas - like the housework or punctual routines - will slip. The focus must shift to emotional well‑being over perfection.

8. Consider therapy for persistent overwhelm

If feelings of overwhelm persist beyond a few weeks, both experts recommend seeking professional help. To find a counsellor or therapist who specialises in helping mums during this transitional phase.

9. Practice kindness and perspective

Amid the chaos, extend grace to yourself. As Brieanne says: “the days are long, but the years are short”, which invites patience and perspective. “Allowing space for all these difficult feelings and finding ways to stay as physically regulated as possible is probably the best you can do when things feel really tricky,” adds Sarah.

 

** This is an article I am sharing to help my clients, I can't take any credit for it's content, other wonderful therapists have created this!**